Review by Joe Siegel

The comedy “Private Lives,” which opened at The Arctic Playhouse on Thursday, boasts first-rate production values and a third-rate script.

Playwright Noel Coward came up with a juicy premise: two couples find their honeymoons disrupted when former spouses rekindle their love.

The suave and sophisticated Elyot Chase (Ryan Vigneau), discovers his ex-wife Amanda (Lydia Kapp) staying in the same hotel, along with her uptight new husband Victor (Jay Burns).

Elyot panics and tries to persuade his rather dimwitted wife Sibyl (Stephanie Rose Witz) to leave so they can resume their honeymoon somewhere else.

This could have resulted in a delightfully zany farce. It does not.

Coward could have done an examination of the ways couples deal with their insecurities. That doesn’t happen either.

So what does happen?

Elyot and Amanda realize they still love each other and decide to dump their spouses!

Following a prolonged scene in a Paris hotel room, Elyot and Amanda engage in a vicious fight. Amanda smashes a record album over Elyot’s head. Elyot retaliates by striking her. Pillows are thrown. Elyot seems on the verge of raping Amanda when Sibyl and Victor appear. And then…

First, let me give praise to the behind the scenes folks for giving “Private Lives” a glamorous appearance. Set designer Lloyd Felix and set builder Jim Belanger have outdone themselves in creating a lavish backdrop for the drama. The attention to detail, such as the antique furniture and props, is stunning.

Costume designer Nancy Spirito has outfitted the women with gorgeous gowns in 1930s style. The men are attired in elegant suits and ties. The four main performers all look fabulous.

Vigneau, who has appeared in supporting roles at Arctic in the past, makes a smooth transition into leading man. As Elyot, Vigneau takes command of the stage. He is handsome, erudite, and cunning.

There’s nothing wrong with any of the performances. The actors do what’s required of them. Director Richard Griffin deserves the credit for their fine work.

What drags the play down is the misogyny exhibited by Elyot.

Elyot threatens to decapitate Sibyl (on their honeymoon!) and then threatens to toss Amanda over a balcony railing. He later says all women deserve to be hit.

I know Coward wrote this show in 1930, but were audiences really approving of men abusing women in those days?

Are we supposed to find Elyot’s hatred of women amusing?

Sure, who doesn’t enjoy a little bit of domestic violence now and then? It sure beats watching Netflix all the time.

Elyot and Amanda don’t really love each other. They are too narcissistic and self-absorbed to love anyone other then themselves. Their relationship is truly bizarre. Why should we care about these loathsome creatures?

Some other questions:

1. Wouldn’t the police be called when a man and woman viciously attack each other?
2. Why would the management allow Elyot and Amanda to stay after they destroyed a hotel room? Even the Holiday Inn wouldn’t tolerate such damage.

As for the jilted spouses, all we get is Sibyl reduced to a weeping wreck. She then reconciles (?) with Elyot and agrees to hold off on a divorce for one year. My God, where is her self-respect? Your husband is a psychopath, lady! Get out of there.

Victor allows himself to be demeaned by Amanda and Elyot. I would’ve liked to see him smack Elyot but I guess Coward thought there had already been enough violence.

Yes, there are funny moments in the play, courtesy of Vigneau. Coward specializes in brutal insults between lovers.

In the end, “Private Lives” has nothing compelling to say about relationships, marriage, or vacations in the south of France.

It’s a beautiful package with nothing inside.

Private Lives runs through May 3. The Arctic Playhouse. 1249 Main Street. West Warwick, RI. Runtime is 2 hours including intermission. For tickets, call 401-573-3443 or visit thearcticplayhouse.com.

Photos by Sandy Smith. Jay Burns, Lydia Kapp, Ryan Vigneau, Stephanie Rose Witz

Lydia Kapp, Ryan Vigneau